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Do All Black Men Cheat?!

Do All Black Men Cheat?!

Ok, honestly I’ve had enough.
Every woman I know has called me over the weekend saying can you believe what Kevin Hart did, and can you believe he cheated while his wife was pregnant. It has been an onslaught of Jay z did this, Carmelo Anthony did that, my friend’s man tried to hit on me, and basically everything in between. I have listened to countless hours about how all the men today are dogs and even the good ones just haven’t been caught yet.

So, once and for all, I think its time to dig up some facts and answer the question; do all men ( especially black men ) cheat? Should women just give up on all of us and realize that men are not monogamous creatures and give them a permanent hall pass? Also is it only men ?

Seeing myself as a young, good black professional man, I don’t think I have to take all the harassment by women in my life every time another celebrity gets caught cheating. So lets explore this.

1. First what is monogamy ?
Monogamy by definition is the practice or state of being married to one person at a time or the practice or state of having a sexual relationship with only one partner at a time . That means if you tell someone that it is only the two of you in a sexual relationship and you sleep with someone else, then you would, by definition be a dog and a cheater to all women across the world.

Are humans meant to be monogamous ?
This is interesting because a lot of people have to decide if we are part of the animal kingdom. In other words, should we behave like other animals in the world or do humans sit above them and should act differently? Most of the science world believes that we are part of the bigger animal ecosystem. Basically, we should be able to study other animals to figure out why, we as humans, behave like we do.

In the book “The Myth of Monogamy,” Psychologist and Zoologist, David P. Barash and Psychiatrist Judith Eve Lipton, stated “[T]here is simply no question whether sexual desires for multiple partners is ‘natural.’ It is. Similarly, there is no question of monogamy being ‘natural.’ It isn’t.”

In another great article entitled ” Is Monogamy right for humans ” on Huffington Post they wrote

“Scientists have studied 5,000 species of mammals and found that only 3 to 5 percent are known to form lifelong bonds with one mate. Among this small group are beavers, otters, wolves and foxes. And even the species that do pair and mate for life\ occasionally have flings on the side and are quick to find new mates if their old one dies or can’t perform sexually any longer.”

This was so interesting ! Does this mean we are doomed to be like our celebrity idols? Having to apologize to the world for something we don’t have control of. Not so fast – I still believe I’m a good black man, so there has got to be more . There has to be something I’m missing. Even though we are part of the animal kingdom, isn’t there something different that separates us from animals? I mean, we were able to rise to the top of the food chain and we are what appears to be more self aware. Right ?

2. Lets look at the facts when it comes to Relationships / Marriage

To be completely honest, there are a lot of mixed facts when it comes to cheating in relationships and marriage. I suspect most people that are cheating are not looking for surveys so they can admit it. With that being said, here are some of the facts I was able to dig up:

Dating site Ashley Madison , whose tagline is “Life is short, have an affair,” pulled their membership data. Here are the results:

  • 54 percent of Americans know someone who has had an unfaithful spouse

According to the Washington Post:

  • In a 1991 study, sex researcher Shere Hite found that 70 percent of married women have cheated on their partners; a 1993 follow-up study found that 72 percent of married men have as well.

According to a 2004 University of Chicago study:

  • 25% of married men have had at least one extramarital affair.

Researchers from Indiana University in Bloomington administered questionnaires to more than 900 participants, stating that 19 percent of women and 23 percent of men reported cheating.

3. So, do all (black) men cheat?
So with everyone calling me about Kevin Hart, the overall questions is, with these facts do I believe that all men (mostly black men in the conversations I’m having ) are cheaters?

The answer is a small no.
Even though I do believe that the vast majority of men and from the data, women too, will always have a problem with being monogamous for their whole lives, it does not mean that all men or women can’t stay faithful or have to cheat on their partners.

Our society loves to focus on the scandals and cheaters so much, but there are so many couples that are not discussed. So many couples that have figured out how to make their relationships work in this day and age.

I really believe technology is only revealing what humans have always done and this is leading us to form a new way of looking at society so that more people have to become honest with what their true intentions are.

A man (or woman) that won’t cheat is in the minority due to our natural behaviors as supported by the research. I think there are still good men and women that won’t lie.

So to all the women that are blowing up my phone over Kevin Hart, and asking the question about whether your man is going to cheat? Look at the facts. But I’m sure there are some good ones left .

Lets figure this out. Let me know if you think men/ women can be faithful.

So, once and for all, I think its time to dig up some facts and answer the question; do all men ( especially black men ) cheat? Should women just give up on all of us and realize that men are not monogamous creatures and give them a permanent hall pass? Also is it only men ?

Seeing myself as a young, good black professional man, I don’t think I have to take all the harassment by women in my life every time another celebrity gets caught cheating. So lets explore this.

1. First what is monogamy ?
Monogamy by definition is the practice or state of being married to one person at a time or the practice or state of having a sexual relationship with only one partner at a time . That means if you tell someone that it is only the two of you in a sexual relationship and you sleep with someone else, then you would, by definition be a dog and a cheater to all women across the world.

Are humans meant to be monogamous ?
This is interesting because a lot of people have to decide if we are part of the animal kingdom. In other words, should we behave like other animals in the world or do humans sit above them and should act differently? Most of the science world believes that we are part of the bigger animal ecosystem. Basically, we should be able to study other animals to figure out why, we as humans, behave like we do.

In the book “The Myth of Monogamy,” Psychologist and Zoologist, David P. Barash and Psychiatrist Judith Eve Lipton, stated “[T]here is simply no question whether sexual desires for multiple partners is ‘natural.’ It is. Similarly, there is no question of monogamy being ‘natural.’ It isn’t.”

In another great article entitled ” Is Monogamy right for humans ” on Huffington Post they wrote

“Scientists have studied 5,000 species of mammals and found that only 3 to 5 percent are known to form lifelong bonds with one mate. Among this small group are beavers, otters, wolves and foxes. And even the species that do pair and mate for life\ occasionally have flings on the side and are quick to find new mates if their old one dies or can’t perform sexually any longer.”

This was so interesting ! Does this mean we are doomed to be like our celebrity idols? Having to apologize to the world for something we don’t have control of. Not so fast – I still believe I’m a good black man, so there has got to be more . There has to be something I’m missing. Even though we are part of the animal kingdom, isn’t there something different that separates us from animals? I mean, we were able to rise to the top of the food chain and we are what appears to be more self aware. Right ?

2. Lets look at the facts when it comes to Relationships / Marriage

To be completely honest, there are a lot of mixed facts when it comes to cheating in relationships and marriage. I suspect most people that are cheating are not looking for surveys so they can admit it. With that being said, here are some of the facts I was able to dig up:

Dating site Ashley Madison , whose tagline is “Life is short, have an affair,” pulled their membership data. Here are the results:

  • 54 percent of Americans know someone who has had an unfaithful spouse

According to the Washington Post:

  • In a 1991 study, sex researcher Shere Hite found that 70 percent of married women have cheated on their partners; a 1993 follow-up study found that 72 percent of married men have as well.

According to a 2004 University of Chicago study:

  • 25% of married men have had at least one extramarital affair.

Researchers from Indiana University in Bloomington administered questionnaires to more than 900 participants, stating that 19 percent of women and 23 percent of men reported cheating.

3. So, do all (black) men cheat?
So with everyone calling me about Kevin Hart, the overall questions is, with these facts do I believe that all men (mostly black men in the conversations I’m having ) are cheaters?

The answer is a small no.
Even though I do believe that the vast majority of men and from the data, women too, will always have a problem with being monogamous for their whole lives, it does not mean that all men or women can’t stay faithful or have to cheat on their partners.

Our society loves to focus on the scandals and cheaters so much, but there are so many couples that are not discussed. So many couples that have figured out how to make their relationships work in this day and age.

I really believe technology is only revealing what humans have always done and this is leading us to form a new way of looking at society so that more people have to become honest with what their true intentions are.

A man (or woman) that won’t cheat is in the minority due to our natural behaviors as supported by the research. I think there are still good men and women that won’t lie.

So to all the women that are blowing up my phone over Kevin Hart, and asking the question about whether your man is going to cheat? Look at the facts. But I’m sure there are some good ones left .

Lets figure this out. Let me know if you think men/ women can be faithful.

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